135+ Funny Things to Write on a Signature Board

Signature boards are no longer just for autographs and well-wishes. They’ve become a canvas for creativity, humor, and memorable moments. Whether you’re at a wedding, a retirement party, or any other special event, leaving a funny message on a signature board can bring smiles and laughter to everyone who reads it. In this article, we’ll explore over 135 witty, clever, and downright hilarious things you can write on a signature board to make your mark and leave a lasting impression.

1. Classic One-Liners

Sometimes, a short and sweet message is all you need to get a chuckle. Here are some classic one-liners that work well on signature boards:

1. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but no one has ever seen us in the same room.”
2. “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
3. “I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.”
4. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
5. “I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
6. “I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.”
7. “I’m not late, everyone else is simply early.”
8. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my relaxation.”
9. “I’m not indecisive. Or am I?”
10. “I’m not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. I’m barely a person.”

2. Pop Culture References

For those who love movies, TV shows, and books, these pop culture-inspired messages are sure to resonate:

11. “May the force of this signature be with you.”
12. “Winter is coming… but first, let’s party!”
13. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
14. “Live long and prosper… and enjoy this awesome event!”
15. “I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens.”
16. “Keep calm and… oh, who am I kidding? Panic!”
17. “I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research!”
18. “I am Groot… I mean, [Your Name].”
19. “My precious… signature.”
20. “I volunteer as tribute… to eat all the cake!”

3. Wordplay and Puns

Clever wordplay and puns can add a touch of wit to your signature board message:

21. “I’m having a whale of a time at this fin-tastic event!”
22. “You’re tea-riffic! Thanks for a brew-tiful day.”
23. “I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup with me today.”
24. “Donut worry, be happy!”
25. “You’re one in a melon!”
26. “Thanks for letting me be part of your jam!”
27. “I’m so glad I decided to turnip today!”
28. “Olive you guys! Thanks for the grape time!”
29. “I’m not lion, this party is roar-some!”
30. “This event has been un-bee-lievable!”

4. Event-Specific Humor

Tailor your message to the specific event for an extra laugh:

For Weddings:
31. “Marriage: A relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.”
32. “Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after… until someone forgets to do the dishes.”
33. “Wishing you a lifetime of Netflix and chill.”
34. “May your marriage be as strong as the bride’s drink and as long as the groom’s speech.”
35. “Congrats on tying the knot! Now you can officially annoy each other forever.”

For Birthdays:
36. “Happy Birthday! Remember, age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.”
37. “Another year older, another year of pretending this isn’t a big deal.”
38. “Congrats on leveling up! Don’t forget to save your progress.”
39. “Happy Birthday! May your day be filled with as much joy as you bring to others… and cake. Lots of cake.”
40. “Cheers to another trip around the sun without falling off!”

For Retirements:
41. “Congratulations on your retirement! Time to trade your business suit for a birthday suit.”
42. “Welcome to the world of ‘every day is Saturday’!”
43. “Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.”
44. “Enjoy your permanent vacation! Don’t forget to send us a postcard from your living room.”
45. “Congrats on graduating from the school of hard work! Time for recess… forever!”

5. Self-Deprecating Humor

Sometimes, poking fun at yourself can be the best way to get a laugh:

46. “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.”
47. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, I’m just wondering where my woman went.”
48. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
49. “I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new look every morning.”
50. “I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”
51. “I’m not saying I’m Superman, but have you ever seen me and Clark Kent in the same room?”
52. “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately explaining why I’m right.”
53. “I don’t have a short attention span, I just… oh look, a butterfly!”
54. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but I do have a lot of expensive toys and a butler.”
55. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty close… to being a hot mess.”

6. Inspirational (with a Twist)

Add a humorous spin to inspirational quotes for a unique signature:

56. “Be the change you wish to see in the world… unless that change involves waking up early. Then let someone else do it.”
57. “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars… or in a black hole. It’s space, who knows?”
58. “Live, laugh, love… and occasionally scream into a pillow.”
59. “Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with tacos.”
60. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
61. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. But if you can be Batman, always be Batman.”
62. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do… or at least pretend to until you can afford to quit.”
63. “Believe you can and you’re halfway there. The other half is actually doing something.”
64. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal… it’s the courage to continue ordering pizza that counts.”
65. “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value… and occasionally a human burrito wrapped in a blanket.”

7. Food-Related Humor

For the foodies out there, these food-centric messages are sure to satisfy:

66. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
67. “Life is short. Eat dessert first… and second… and maybe third.”
68. “I’m not saying I’m addicted to chocolate, but if you see me without it, call for help.”
69. “I’m just here for the cake… and the memories, of course.”
70. “My blood type is coffee positive.”
71. “I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.”
72. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
73. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
74. “I’m not saying I’m Gordon Ramsay, but I can definitely microwave with the best of them.”
75. “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. And maybe some bacon.”

8. Work-Related Humor

For office parties or work events, these job-related quips can lighten the mood:

76. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my inbox… by ignoring it completely.”
77. “My job is secure. No one else wants it.”
78. “I’m not saying I’m irreplaceable, but can anyone else make coffee this good?”
79. “I always give 100% at work: 10% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 22% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.”
80. “My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.”
81. “I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”
82. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… again.”
83. “I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.”
84. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but no one has ever seen me and her in the same room together.”
85. “I’m not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. I’m barely a person before coffee.”

9. Relationship Humor

Whether you’re single, taken, or it’s complicated, these relationship-themed messages are relatable:

86. “I’m not single, I’m in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.”
87. “My significant other is a carbohydrate.”
88. “I’m not saying I’m high maintenance, but I do require daily compliments and snacks.”
89. “Looking for my soulmate. Or tacos. Tacos are probably easier to find.”
90. “I’m in a committed relationship with my bed. We’re thinking about seeing other people.”
91. “My love life is like a fairy tale… if that fairy tale is ‘Beauty and the Feast.'”
92. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m single and ready to mingle… with pizza.”
93. “Relationship status: Netflix and ice cream.”
94. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why my partner is wrong.”
95. “Love is in the air… Wait, no, that’s bacon. I smell bacon.”

10. Technology and Social Media Humor

In our digital age, these tech-savvy messages are sure to get a laugh:

96. “I’m not addicted to my phone. I can quit as soon as I finish this level.”
97. “I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything.”
98. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m doing important research on Facebook.”
99. “My life is like a smartphone. I don’t understand half of what it does, but I love it anyway.”
100. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and my Wi-Fi password in the same room?”
101. “I’m fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Emoji.”
102. “I don’t always check my phone, but when I do, it’s 47 times in 5 minutes.”
103. “My relationship status? I’ll have to check my Facebook.”
104. “I’m not saying I’m addicted to social media, but I did just tag my breakfast.”
105. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for my next Netflix binge.”

11. Age-Related Humor

No matter how old you are, these age-related quips are timeless:

106. “I’m not 40, I’m 18 with 22 years of experience.”
107. “Age is just a number… and mine is unlisted.”
108. “I’m not old, I’m classic.”
109. “I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.”
110. “I’m not saying I’m old, but my first car was a covered wagon.”
111. “Age is mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
112. “I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.”
113. “I’m at that age where ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering why I’m there.”
114. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when emojis were called ‘hieroglyphics.'”
115. “Youth is a gift of nature, but age is a work of art… a very abstract work of art.”

12. Miscellaneous Hilarity

For those moments when you need something completely random and utterly hilarious:

116. “I’m not saying I’m Superman, but have you ever seen me and a llama in the same room?”
117. “I put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.”
118. “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
119. “I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.”
120. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but I do have a lot of cool gadgets and a butler named Alfred.”
121. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… again.”
122. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but I did just make it through a whole day without caffeine.”
123. “I’m not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. I’m barely a person.”
124. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing my relaxation.”
125. “I’m not indecisive. Or am I?”
126. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty close… to being a hot mess.”
127. “I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
128. “I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.”
129. “I’m not late, everyone else is simply early.”
130. “I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry.”
131. “I’m not saying I’m right all the time, but I am never wrong.”
132. “I’m not a shopaholic, I’m helping the economy.”
133. “I’m not a chocoholic, I’m a choco-enthusiast with very high standards.”
134. “I’m not saying I’m a superhero, but have you ever seen me and [insert favorite superhero] in the same room?”
135. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m definitely a limited edition.”

Conclusion

A signature board is more than just a place to leave your name; it’s an opportunity to spread joy, share laughter, and create lasting memories. Whether you’re attending a wedding, celebrating a birthday, or just want to leave a memorable mark, these 135+ funny things to write on a signature board offer a wide range of options to suit any occasion and sense of humor.

Remember, the key to a great signature board message is to keep it light-hearted, appropriate for the event, and true to your personality. Don’t be afraid to put your own spin on these suggestions or come up with something entirely unique. After all, laughter is the best signature you can leave behind.

So the next time you’re faced with a blank signature board, armed with these hilarious options, you’ll be ready to make your mark and leave everyone in stitches. Who knows? Your clever quip might just become the talk of the event and inspire others to unleash their inner comedians too.

Now go forth and sign with humor, because life’s too short for boring signatures!